Making It So

I should really get back into this blogging thing. I’m thinking a lot about recovery lately. Science is pretty well covered by my day job, but I need to get back into writing. This “Avenging Princess” story is neat, and I hope I have an outline someplace because I have no idea what happens next. “The Prince” is very well outlined, and I want to get back to it as well. The whole beginning of it has changed since I last posted here, and I would like to show you the new, stronger start to that story. And I’ve been feeling a creative urge of late – I find myself wanting to make art, of whatever kind. Writing, crafts, even the playlists I make for the Aviary – I’m starting to feel the neglect of my creative self. Where I’ll have time for this I don’t know, but it’s something I am hungering for.

So, brief updates: Still at the job. This is the first time I’ve been in something longer than a year since 2004, so that feels pretty good. I have two supervisees now, the newer of whom started Monday, and I am trying to learn to be a better project manager in order to do my work more effectively.

Still in therapy. Been with a new therapist for a year, and she’s great, and I’m off the sleep meds, having replaced them with light therapy in the morning. I love that I can hack my nervous system with light and get it to behave in a more useful way, with no side effects or Ambien walruses.

Not exercising enough, but I have a hula hoop now, and that’s a really fun sort of exercise. I’m very slowly beginning to find my motivation, but it’s become clear to me that I need to find something that is its own reward, because working out for long-term weight and health successes is just not immediate enough. I don’t think that says too terrible a thing about me. In the early part of graduate school, when I was living only for the future, I was very disciplined and worked out every day because I wanted to be healthy. Hell, even that’s not really true. I worked out every day to support the martial arts I was learning. I’ve tried to go back to Tai Chi a little but the group that meets at work just doesn’t seem to be the thing. So now I’m working all the time for the future again – working to have a stable career and income as part of the path to a family – and my exercise needs to be its own reward, because I’m using up the willpower for other things. (Yes, that’s actually how willpower works, it is a diminishing resource and you can run out and need to replenish it. You can look it up in the psych literature.)

Eating better. Still trying to hack what way of eating helps me feel the best – the exclusion of gluten is only the obvious one. But some other things I’m starting to notice work for me: Protein. Fruit. Yesterday I had fruit, nuts, and cheese for lunch and felt great most of the afternoon. I was ridiculously hungry by the time I got home from work, though, so it’s not a total solution. More complex carbs, maybe. (Which is always a fun one for the gluten-free person to figure out!) Maybe quinoa? Whole corn? Brown rice? Ditching the breakfast carbs in favor of Greek yogurt has been terrific, and I’ve added to that a green smoothie during the morning. So now that I’ve hacked breakfast, I’m working on how to feed myself in the middle of the day. I’m using a tracker for calories that helps me balance between carbs, fat, and protein, and I’m finding that working on the balance helps me more than focusing on the number of calories themselves.

And now I’m making myself hungry again, so I will toddle off. Hopefully you’ll hear from me before too much time has passed!